Integration

I'm trying now to better integrate my presence online. I am on Facebook and Twitter, but I'm trying to incorporate all of my different things on here, my personal website. So, while I haven't been posting like I said I would, I have been on here doing stuff. You'll notice I've added my Twitter postings to the top. That way even when I'm not making a full blog posting, you'll still see my "micro-posts."

I'm also working on a mobile website. I tried this years ago to no avail but have decided to try it once again. Technology has improved as has my mobile device. I've added a badge on the left side of the page linking you to my mobile site. I'm not making any promises, but we'll find out together how it'll all work out.

Commitments

Okay, so I really can make a commitment and stand by it. However, I did not keep the commitment I made on here. I already missed blogging yesterday! The really sad part is that I had stuff to blog about.

Yesterday I went up to Boulder and had a lovely lunch with Susan and Terry. It was originally going to be at The Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse, but due to a wait we relocated to the delish Boulder Cafe. We checked out some shops and then headed home due to the inclement weather. Walking Pearl Street just isn't fun in the rain without an umbrella.

Later on though we caught some amazing shots of rainbows.







Wrapped up the day with a jaunt to the local county library, some salt and pepper chips, white wine and Ghostbusters. It was a great summer day off from work. I'm looking forward to planning next week's "weekend," and hoping to squeeze in some camping.

Blog Postings

Why don't I post on here more often? Will having more time this summer move me to post on here? Does anyone read this blog? (Well, it does post of FB which may increase readership) And, does it matter if anyone reads it?

This is my wussy post. My goal is to post every day for a week. Let's see if I can keep this brain in gear for writing and get interesting stuff down on the screen. Maybe I'll even post again today. :)

Decades ago

I've been thinking about this blog post for a while now. It's just taken me a bit to get around to actually writing. Now, I have homework to do, but I think I'll pound this out. As it is, I really don't blog as often as I'd like.

So, I've been thinking about 10 years ago. And, when one does that, they begin to think about 20 years ago. I am currently in a place - time, space, location, relationships, etc - that makes me happy. I am content and pleased with where I'm at. When I really think about it though, I realize that 10 years ago I didn't think life could get any better.

10 years ago I had just recently completed an incredible trip to New York City. I saw Les Miserables on Broadway, Ellis Island, Mahanttan from the top of the Statue of Liberty (including the WTC), Strawberry Fields in Central Park, FAO Swartz (and I did play on the giant piano), Lincoln Center, Madison Square Gardens, Teresa Witherspoon (yes, I got a pic with her) and so much more. I also just celebrated my 18th birthday 10 years ago. Is there a bigger birthday than 18? Really now, I was finally an "adult"...as if I had any idea what that meant. And, quickly approaching was my graduation from high school. I truly believed that 1999 would be the best year of my life.

20 years ago I was sitting in a new town and new school. Now, I had been there for a few months. The whole experience though was surreal. I had my first, and last group, birthday party. I had balloons and flowers (from my grandparents) sent to school on my birthday for the first time. I also was getting invited to birthday parties and went to my first slumber party.

Looking back I just wonder. It's crazy to realize how much time has passed from April 1989 and April 1999. I'm connecting with people for the first time in decades online through services like Facebook. I'm remembering people whom were developing great relationships and friendships with me. I find it still very surreal.

I know I'm not old. And, I know I'm not alone. I just find it interesting how pinnacle those years were. It makes me wonder what's in store this year. It makes me wonder the next time I'll think "life doesn't get better than this" or "will life ever get better than this." How will I remember your influence on my life in 10 years?

Hancock and my hometown

Note: if you have not seen Hancock and intend to, there may be content that could be considered spoiler material. I wouldn't continue reading.

Tonight I watched Hancock for the first time. With unique timing I received an email regarding my high school reunion being this year. Reflecting back on the movie and my relationship (we'll call it that for simplicity's sake) with my hometown, I found some intriguing parallels.

In the movie John and Mary are drawn to each other. She says something along the lines of: it doesn't matter where or how far she goes, he always finds her. There is always something bringing them back...and it's cosmic therefore unbreakable. Yet, when they're together, emotionally and physically, they become weak. They get hurt by each other and hurt by others. Essentially they are each other's worst enemies.

I think that's me and my hometown. I can't get away. I have family there. I have emotional ties to that community and the people within it. Yet, when I get close, emotionally or physically, I get hurt. All I want to do is wash my hands of it. And, I do all I can to not completely cut myself off. On the other hand, if I don't get hurt, it's usually because I'm not letting myself. I build myself up to someone I'm not, so I can look down my nose at those who have hurt me so bad in my life.

I don't think I'll go to my high school reunion. I might; I have a tendency to randomly change my mind. But, like John and Mary, perhaps life is better from a distance. Less people get hurt, and I don't wake up ashamed of myself.

Don't Get Attached

This past Christmas break I took a class called Spiritual Leadership. It was amazing. We met for maybe 6 hours a day for Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, and on Wednesday and Friday for only 4 hours. It was fairly intense, and we covered a lot of material. Interestingly enough, we addressed a lot of spiritual exercises for ourselves to help us be better spiritual leaders.

One of the ideas we addressed was our attachment to outcomes. We discussed how we become emotionally attached to specific outcomes, the stress related to it, how our communities (i.e. family, friends, co-workers, fellow parishioners, etc) are affected by it and so forth. I realized in the self-reflection how much this applied to me. I have been taught to be goal oriented. It wasn't uncommon to be encouraged to "visualize your success" in sports (i.e. making the free throw) and every other aspect of life. Seeing the end result would help you accomplish the steps in between.

Now, I find myself encouraging others not to grow attached to the outcome. Perhaps we will learn and experience more on the journey. Perhaps we were never meant to succeed on that path. It has happened countless times while on one course, I discover another along the way that better suits me for that time and place.

Please don't assume that it's an easy mindset to have. Even looking back, I realize new paths that were better (in my 20/20 hindsight) still can stir up emotions of anger, frustration or sadness. But, I have to acknowledge that I wouldn't be where I am if I hadn't taken a new path. Often the toughest changes are ones invoked by someone other than myself like when I didn't get a job or promotion I wanted.

What I'm struggling with now isn't the examining of choices and decisions of my past but those of my future. I know I want certain things, but I'm not alone. I'm not the only factor. God has a plan. And, humans have the gift of free will. Just because I want something doesn't mean I'll get it, or get it the way I want it. It is a tough pill to swallow when you tell yourself, "don't get attached to the outcome."

Could you do it? Admit lack of control and find acceptance in it?

Crafty Things

So, today I was asked to create a display for a fund-raiser. I didn't know to tell her I don't really have any crafty skills. Here it is. My display that is easy to put away and yet flashy. I used glitter. :) There's a good chance they sold their first products today all because of this great set up. Can you tell my undergrad degree is in marketing? :)

Anyways, if any of my Iliff buddies want one of these, or two or three, let me know. It's a fundraiser, and I got the hook-up.

Where do you draw the line?

Today I helped break up a fight between two fourth grade boys. Both come from rough situations. We were at an after school program that is there to provide children a safe and consistant place to hang out. It also provides a meal/snacks.

I think what I'm struggling with is that both boys were right even though they both were wrong. One wanted to take extra snacks home for his family. The other was upset that the he was taking extra snacks.

Yes, the language they were using was atrocious. And yes, getting physical won't solve any problems. But, when push comes to shove (no pun intended) how do you decide who was right?

One was hungry and knew his family was too.

One saw food for the kids program going out the door.

Where would you draw the line? What do you say to those two boys probably only 11 or 12 years old? They both had their snacks. They both were thinking of others not themselves. And, it doesn't justify their behavior, but they both have to be upset and angry about their situations. Nobody likes to be hungry or see their family struggle. Where do you tell these kids to direct their anger instead of each other?

So that's where I find myself...struggling with two boys who were both trying to do the right thing the wrong way...and, I'm sure they felt better releasing some of that emotion. I, however, do not.

Growing Up

So, I feel like I'm taking another step towards adulthood. Yes, some would say I've been an adult for a while, but I've mastered the ability to vote, drive, live on my own and still take no responsibility for things. Lately I've made a point to be aware of what I'm eating. I've also started working out. I've been walking/jogging about 2 miles 3-4 times a week. I am coming off the treadmill dripping in sweat. I don't think I've ever pushed myself to the point of sweating before. And, it's been close to a decade since a coach pushed me. For some reason I'm finding my health to be a lil' more of a priority. Perhaps it's the passing of my mid-twenties in the near future? No matter what the reason, I've minimized pizza as a meal option to only 3 times a week. :)

I wonder what else will mature next? Maybe I'll finally develop some study/work skills in the morning hours. We can keep hoping and praying.

What would you say?

If you had to write a letter to every person who has influenced who you are today, what would you say? Would you only talk about the good memories? Would you lash out at those who caused you pain making you stronger? Would you tell the truth or what you thought they wanted to hear? Would you remember those who thought they were insignificant? Would you apologize to those you hurt? What would guide your words...Happiness? Pain? Pride? Humility? Wisdom? Ignorance? A desire to please? Or, honesty?

What would you say to each person who influenced who you are today?